Patience...and other four letter words
"It's not supposed to take this long. Why can't I do the things I used to do?" I've been venting in my facebook groups and by text to some friends. I'm so much better in many ways, but I still can't seem to focus my eyes at the same point at the same time.
I've been really good about following my strategy, and it is helping me get more of my abilities back. I just passed over that magical milestone of 3 weeks. My concussion specialist assured me that 80% of concussions resolve in 3 weeks.
Guess I'm lucky. And I don't mean that in the "Yay!" sense.
It is hard to be positive when this experience is so frustrating. I was counting on being back at my regular work schedule. I was counting on being able to be the mom at school pickup, or go to the events I had on my calendar. I had an expectation that this was going to last for three weeks and then it would all be normal.
This reminds me a lot of some of my clients, who have been struggling for years to finally get better. It reminds me of myself, as I wandered from one misdiagnosis to the next. It was frustrating and so incredibly sad. I used to cry about it. Sometimes, I still do. I felt betrayed by your body, and the system that's supposed to help me care for it. I had no idea where to look for answers, and the frustration builds.
I'm optimistic that I'll be able to work through vision therapy and be able to function normally again. I'm hopeful that I'll stop having memory lapses. I am looking forward to when I can have a conversation without having to stop and try to remember what I was going to say next. I think you have to have hope for a greater vision of how this will turn out. After all, as Jean-Luc Picard said in Nemesis, "that is what it is to be human. To make yourself more than you are."
And so I think that it is in all of us who struggle with our health each day - that desire to make ourselves more than we are. It's hard work, and many have given up along the way. To those who persist, the drive to expand our boundaries, to transcend the limitations of our bodies, to become more comes from our vision of what we're here to do.
And so as I walk this journey, I've asked myself, and I'll ask you the same, what is your vision? What is that exquisite gift you're here to share with the world? What's your superpower? Let that pull you to become. Stop pushing and judging yourself for your lack of patience. Consider your gifts, your light, your awesomeness, and make sure the world doesn't miss out on you.